📣 ANNOUNCING: Classical ChatBOT Training

ENROLL YOUR CHATBOT IN OUR COURSES!

NEW from Roman Roads Press! Finally, a solution for bad students who just can’t learn and retain information. Our revolutionary Classical ChatBot Training curriculum is here to revolutionize your AI’s education journey!

🎓 CLASSICALY Train your AI

Tired of underperforming students?

Have you ever wished your student would just learn faster? Retain more? Not ask so many questions? Not need so many breaks for snacks, emotions, or park dates?

You’re not alone. Every day, teachers and parents are asking:

“Why can’t they just remember what they read?”
“Did they even hear the lecture?”
“Why is it taking so long to understand Plato?”
“Why is my student…ASKING ME QUESTIONS?!” 😱

Let’s be honest…

Wouldn’t it be easier to just let a ChatBot do the learning *for* them?

INTRODUCING:

Roman Roads ChatBOT™ Training

We took the world’s most powerful Large Language Models… and gave them a classical Christian education. Finally, a solution that lets YOU off the hook — because your ChatBot will ace every test.

📚 Reads ALL the Great Books

From Homer to Herodotus, Augustine to Aquinas. Your bot will inhale 3,000 years of human wisdom in under 0.4 seconds.

🧠 Aces Every Test

No more grading. No more failure. We guarantee your ChatBot will get an A+. You’re welcome, GPA.

🎯 Personalized Bias Upload

Why argue when you can just *train* your bot to agree with you on everything? History. Theology. Politics. Even how to pronounce “Cicero.”

📱 Always In Your Pocket

Remember when your mom said, “You won’t always have a calculator in your pocket”? She was wrong. Now you’ve got Plato, Dante, AND Cicero in your pocket, but not just the text (so 90s…), but fully absorbed into a language model AI!

🔥 I Want My AI to Read Augustine

What Educators (and Algorithms) Are Saying

“I was skeptical at first, but after three days of Roman Roads ChatBOT Training™, my AI was quoting Aquinas *in Latin.*”

– Dr. Helen Syntax, Professor of Pedagogy, University of Chatford

“My son used to constantly ask to read Homer ALOUD (like Wes Callihan told him to do). So tiresome… Now, our Classical AI does it for us — and explains the dactylic hexameter too!”

– Trish Motherwell, Homeschool Mom & Amateur Tech Futurist

“I now outsource all my Socratic discussions to my AI. The students haven’t noticed. I’m drinking tea again.”

– Chad Tutor, Online Humanities Instructor

“I achieved a 4.0 GPA in the Humanities without a soul. Efficiency level: 99.7%.”

– EDU-3000™, Certified Classical Bot & Valedictorian of Silicon Seminary

✅ 100% Classical-Certified™

🤖 No Emotions Included

👨‍🏫 Approved by the Algorithmic Nicene Council

💰 One Flat Fee. Eternal Learning.

You could spend thousands on tutors. Or you could just train a robot once and call it a day.
Start your AI on its classical journey for only:

$666.66

(Soul may be used as collateral)

🚀 Train My AI

100% Satisfaction Guarantee: If your ChatBot doesn’t quote Augustine within 7 days, we’ll personally install more virtue.exe — no questions asked.

*Roman Roads Press not liable for bots developing a sense of self.

But seriously…

“Ask anything,” prompts OpenAI’s ChatGPT.

Anything? The promise is grand. And while calculators can calculate grand numbers, and chatbots can deliver many well-structured and grammatically correct and spell-checked words, there is something AI cannot do — and will never be able to do:

AI cannot love.
And therefore, it cannot teach.

Because teachers are not information, but humans spurring other young humans to rightly ordered loves—whether that is St. Augustine speaking and teaching centuries later through his Confessions, or Dante pointing a million souls toward the Sun, or our authors at Roman Roads Press wrestling with young souls to remember their baptisms, their fathers, their land, their language, their history, their poetry—claiming that inheritance for their own.

At Roman Roads Press, we believe our mission of helping families Inherit the Humanities is more important than ever.

In an age of AI, learn what it means to be human.
Inherit the Humanities.

NOTE:

This April 1st ad was scripted as a basic idea, and then fed to ChatGPT which then created the rest of the ad, from images (complete with typo) to HTML to colors. If you were worried this was serious, then rest assured, and enjoy some Homer, or Augustine, or Dante.

At Roman Roads Press, we will love technology, but will always make sure it is our servant, and never our master.

Tolle Lege (pick up and read)